if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
