i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This show inspires me to have sex in space
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
