I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
