also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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