did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
