I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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