The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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