i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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