Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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