Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
