Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
