I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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