Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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