sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
