wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
