You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize