we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Randomize
