I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The air was thick with penises
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
