I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
