So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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