I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
