i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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