she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
