Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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