I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
