True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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