I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
