Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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