it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
