I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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