If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
