i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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