The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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