I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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