The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
