she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
