Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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