Pants 0. Shit 1.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
