And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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