you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
