So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
