Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
