Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
pop tarts are not kleenex
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
