I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The air was thick with penises
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
