Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
