Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
