Where did you get a picture of my penis
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
