I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
