She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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