my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
