he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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