so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
