my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
