based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
