ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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