I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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