it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
