I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
