Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
sex in a hospital.. check
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
