At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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