If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
