Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
