you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
