That's when you crack a 10am beer
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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