Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
