If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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