You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Randomize
