fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
