She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
